March 2012
52 posts
February 2012
85 posts
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2 tags
Woman: Can I have birth control?
Government: No.
Woman: I got pregnant because I didn't have birth control and I don't want the fetus. Can I have an abortion?
Government: No.
Woman: I gave birth to my child but since I wasn't expecting it, I can't afford daycare. Can I have help paying for it?
Government: No.
Woman: My boyfriend isn't excited about sex anymore, because I lost my figure due to pregnancy. Will you pay for his erectile dysfunction pills?
Government: Yes.
Watchfeedthewriter:
Hello. Today I’ll be explaining the way Australian’s say horrible and why I enjoy it when Americans say it.
Apologies for the dodgy American accent.
I would argue that a car full of puppies crashing into a factory of babies is equally catastrophic as running out of beer.
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Watchaddigator:
SNL has been on fire lately goddamn. This is the funniest skit I’ve seen in like, years.
Oh fuck, the Jay-Z and Nicki Minaj impressions are outstanding, hahahaha. Also would not have guessed that Fred Armisen would make such a good Prince.
I'm on my 4th consecutive listen of the new...
This album needs to be in my stereo yesterday.
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Louis CK on Parks and Rec <3 <3 <3
“Open the door, get on the floor, everybody walk the dinosaur.”
– Sylvia Plath (via incorrectsylviaplathquotes)
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Rock vs. Hip Hop [warning for slurs in guns n...
The Beatles: I've got somethin' to say that might cause you pain. If I catch you talkin' to that boy again. I'm gonna let you down. And leave you flat. Because I told you before. Oh, you can't do that.
Led Zeppelin: Squeeze me baby, 'til the juice runs down my leg. Squeeze me baby, 'til the juice runs down my leg. The way you squeeze my lemon, I'm gonna fall right out the bed.
Guns n Roses: Police and niggers, that's right. Get out of my way. [...] Immigrants and faggots. They make no sense to me. They come to our country. And they'll do as they please. Like start some mini Iran. Or spread some fuckin' disease. They talk so many goddamn ways. It's all Greek to me.
Nicki Minaj: Everybody wanna try to box me in. Suffocatin' everytime they locks me in. Paintin' they own pictures and they crop me in. But I wil remain where the top begins. Because I am not a word. I am not a line. I am not a girl that could ever be defined. I am not fly. I am levitation. I represent an entire generation. I hear the criticism loud and clear. That is how I know that the time is near. See, we become alive in a time of fear. And I ain't got the motherfuckin' time to spare.
I still don't know if I like Firefly, but Kaylee...
“Okay, help me find our man. He’s supposed to be older, kind of stocky, wears a red sash crossways.”
“Is that him?”
“That’s the buffet table.”
“Well how will we know unless we question it?”
